If you want to go on, you just need to focus

Just a normal morning… I woke up, had my shower, picked up my stuff, and went out. Just when I reached the door I remembered my silver bracelet that was given to me from someone I love very much… I thought it would look nice with my white formal blouse. I am going tonight to a concert in the opera house after I finish my work and I need to look elegant. I got back, put on my bracelet and headed out fast enough to reach on time. Just when I reached my office I noticed that my bracelet is not in my hand! Oh!! What a morning! Where is it! I can’t lose it is very very valuable to me, it means a lot! I felt that this day couldn’t get any worse. I looked everywhere in my bag but couldn’t find anything. That made me so sad that I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just finished my work silently with my frowning face. At about 11 am I decided to go back home (which is 10 minutes far from my office) and look for it. Oh it is damn hot out there! The sun is melting my head, and no car is allowed to enter the campus (where I work) but it is ok as long as there is a chance I can find my bracelet. I looked for it in the streets where I walked, in my room, and even in the toilet but I couldn’t find it, and I became sadder. I got back to my office with a more grumpy face. I decided to check my facebook to avoid talking to my colleagues… but then I saw a post by my friend who is a journalist mourning a friend of her, he is a friend of many of my friends but I don’t personally know him and he is also a journalist… I gazed in his photo, his face is familiar. He looks like many young people here who were devoured by war, enthusiastic, strong, ambitious, and ready for the fight… iron men. It is aching actually to see these faces and read about them after they are gone away. I opened his page and read his posts. Just few days ago he wrote that there is no grave that is more merciful than the soil of my country! … Is it a matter of being ready to die?! Do we call death towards us when we are ready for it? Is death

such a respectful and compassionate friend? I don’t know… but if this is the case then I shouldn’t worry, I am so not ready to go there. I logged out, because two years ago I decided to close my eyes on other people’s agony and just focus on my own will and feelings. Most people say that is too selfish but trust me this is the only way you can go on and keep your sanity untouched.

I was silent and unhappy. Even when you decide that you don’t want to see the chaos around you, you still can’t fully close your eyes, and to be honest I was still thinking of my silver bracelet! I knew it will be found for sure but still, it is from my lovely friend and it is valuable for me! For my surprise, she is just calling me, and I was not in the mood to say any word. She sounded normal at first, but then after my silence she said, “Three mortar shells were hit around my work place today, 2 UN security officers and 2 dustmen were injured”…

I didn’t know what to say… the first word I said was “Fu** this country” my dear friend laughed and said back “ok fu** this country”. I knew she was fine, but I still couldn’t decide what my feelings were. Well fu** everything at least my dearest friend is ok! Just when I knew that I lost my bracelet I said “Oh, this day couldn’t get any worse!” then life showed me how it could have got much much worse, but it decided to be generous to me. This is how you learn to focus on your own will, your own life, your own family and beloved only in such a chaos without it being selfish at all…

My friend said at the end of the call, are you wearing elegant formal clothes? Because we are still going to the concert tonight. I said; yes I think they are formal enough with no accessories…

don't worry

don’t worry

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “If you want to go on, you just need to focus

  1. I am sorry that you lost something important to you, but I am glad that you shared the perspective it brought you. I read your blog posts and I get angry at myself for ever feeling bad or depressed. No problem I face is bringing me close to harm’s way. I think of you often, and I smile when I see a new post from you in my inbox. Please take care. You remain in our thoughts and prayers.

  2. As ever, an inspiring post to remind us how outrageously over-privileged we are, just knowing our dustmen will be round as usual on Wednesday, and their only likely chance of injury is if they damage my front gate again… I am honestly in awe of you, as I am of everyone in your country who succeeds in leading a normal life in the presence of such rampant homicidal mania. I wish you many quiet, peaceful nights, and I hope the concert was a blast (sorry, no pun intended!).

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s