I am a snail, I am a mountain

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one sun set in syria (26-5-2913) – picture is taken by me

the scene started in the bus, me – sitting next to the window, watching the yellow mountains of Damascus. No sign for life in these deserted mountains though I know a lot of insects and plants struggled to live in this yellow dry land, for no particular reason except that it’s THEIR land.

For the first time in these  two exhausting  years , I’m leaving Damascus for a while, my trip is in Syria too but … well leaving Damascus at this hard time felt like a betrayal for “her “ .

It’s Strange how you can feel guilty for leaving your city, treating it as another sad soul in this tragic area. It’s not only a place to live in, It’s literally MY STORY ..

Being you in the time of war is something you must always keep in mind. you should be aware you are not becoming a monster or a fragile butterfly following any source of light even if it’s the light of fire that will burn her wings.

Being you and only you, not that creature they try to mold and create through TV screens and news broadcasts, is the only thing you need to struggle for.

There after three hours the bus stopped.. we weren’t hunt on the road.. it was a safe trip luckily. And there I am , for the first time in 2 years I breath deep, I fill my lungs with air and don’t want to think again.. just want to breath and rest that small brain.

Syria is well known now in the whole world for being the most dangerous place to live in. well in this “most dangerous” place I was blessed to be able to discover I’m not completely damaged,  I still can see beauty , and knew that storms are a part of nature, no storm could ever end the life in any part of this world.

So here I am, writing this post on the beach and listening to Frank Sinatra, moon river – well I know I have an old fashioned music taste- and even when I’m back there to Damascus I will always think of that little snail on the grass that is so slow moving forward but knows exactly what it wants and knows how to protect itself from storms and other bad animals .

I will always put in mind that these mountains were here thousands years ago. They welcomed anything the universe gave, and so they are now green, wild and strong.

And I will say to the world, I am a snail, a mountain and a continuous waterfall ..

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an unexpected lovely scene , picture is taken by me

 

How I realized that ant and I resemble

I spent almost an hour today watching some small lovely ants. I let my imagination lead me deep into their busy lives. I think this small ant is still a kid, and that one is an ant who has a family, it looks quite big and strong (I don’t really know if ants have families but those hard workers must be working for something important I wanted to call “family” or “the will of life” or who knows what extinct it could be) .

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How I realized the ant and I resemble

These ants were heading to their secret safe kingdom somewhere behind my door. I thought to myself “Oh these ants are too small to be seen for someone who’s walking, they must be in permanent danger”. I wonder how many of them I killed every time I went in and out of my room, though I have to admit I never noticed there are ants there before. I’m not the “animals’ rights person” but it was an interesting view to watch.

These ants went to collect their food all day long, despite the permanent danger they face, despite the fact that they may not come back again, and I – the one who kills without even giving a damn attention- don’t really care for this kid ant or for that “father “ ant as my imagination told me. This image brought back to my head another image on a bigger scale.

I and people like me – the one who kill ants without giving an attention- we are the victims of another system that’s being oppressed on earth. WE are the ants of this global system, I’ll tell you how;

Some countries or governments  (the big ones) want to pass to their goals like wealth, land control, water control, Oil control, and many other goals you know.. while they pass to fulfill their goals they turn on the WAR button, it’s a dangerous game like a gamble you either lose or win what you want, but who cares some politicians love the Adrenaline rush in their veins. What happens after they turn on that button? Some people (like me , like other Syrians, like Iraqis, Afghanis, Palestinians, etc…) will play the Ants part in this play. It’s the most pitiful harsh part in the play. People ants are used to gain support, their blood is used for propaganda, and their cries are only heard when it’s necessary. Ants in human war are us.. It’s such a blessing for real ants that their death isn’t being used to gain the support of other ant kingdoms, they must don’t know how shameful it is for human ants.

The war in Syria is more than two years long by now, If that massacre there serves my (as a politician)  political goals then all the world will know about it, I will use their blood to the last drop, I will even use their dry blood in the pictures if it serves my goals..

If it serves my goals I will clean the criminal’s hands in the international society and make them look as freedom fighters because this fighter ant is a loyal ant.. and while I pass there to take what I turned the war on for, I will pass on all the ants, fighter ants and peaceful ants they all look the same.

So , In the end of this Ants time I ended up feeling smaller than an ant, Russia and America (and some other powers in the background) made some deal that I don’t know what could do on the ground since I can’t believe media or even analysis, I and other Syrian ants are watching, wishing this would help them stop killing us. Hoping we are not too small to be seen for someone who’s walking.

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Kerry – Lavrov

 

my city ….

Tonight that was my view….
I still have connection till the moment.
I’m full of every bad feeling you can imagine
that’s absolutely not freedom
When US says they will put the right weapons in the right hand.. that is what they mean.. another Iraq, another Hiroshima ?
Wake up .. FREEDOM fighters don’t exist
I don’t know if there will be any tomorrow here.. but I hope people will wake up.

sincerely from Syria